you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
