I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
