Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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