who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
