we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
