i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
