i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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