My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
