mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
