I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
