The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
