and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
