the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
