atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
