p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
