My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
