At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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