Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
