He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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