ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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