i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
