capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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