You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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