This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a search helicopter?!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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