somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
