i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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