Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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