Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
