Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Someone shattered a urinal.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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