We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
