their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
