Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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