his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
