Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
