My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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