She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
