About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
