That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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