You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
