If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
