she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
