I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
