I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
