Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
