did you get engaged???
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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