It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
