My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
