mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
