the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
