I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
